


Afterlife

by Tasharii



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Marvel Cinematic Universe Fusion, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes x OC, Bucky barnes x reader - Freeform, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Halloween Fanfic, Natasha Didn't Die, Reader Has Issues, Reader-Insert, Soulmark AU, Steve is still around, Tony didn't die
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-04 14:56:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21199535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tasharii/pseuds/Tasharii
Summary: By the time World War 2 reached America, Bucky had given up hope in finding his soulmate. It was the summer of 1938 and he just wanted to enjoy his final days in Brooklyn with Steve. Before the draft got him.Then he met her, and he knew he'd give anything not to say goodbye.Nothing had changed for Y/N in a very long time. Her life at the Circus was bleak and lonely. The only time she felt alive was in the air during a performance. And she was ok with that.Then she met him and knew she'd give anything to be with him. There was just one problem. She was dead. This was her afterlife and how could something dead be with someone living?





	1. An Old Carny's Tale

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been bouncing around in my head for nearly a year. I wanted to write something spooky for Halloween and this is what came of it! I've got it almost finished and I'll be updating every Sunday. 
> 
> A couple MCU Timeline things. This story will be bouncing between the Summer of 1938, before Bucky's drafted in Captain America. Then to the present after Thanos is defeated. Tony doesn't die, Natasha lives, Steve doesn't stay back in the past with Peggy, and the Avengers are all still together and happy in my story. If I make any mistakes, I'm sorry and i'm only human. This is just for fun after all. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

**Present Day  
Bucky**

This was not how Bucky had wanted to spend his day off. Crammed in the back of a limo. Being driven to god only knows where. While Tony had a smug, self-satisfied grin on his face. Steve shifted beside him, looking out the window at the countryside passing by. They had left Manhattan a little while ago, heading through Brooklyn, and Bucky recognized Prospect Park just outside the window. It was sunny and perfectly warm. There were flashing rides, tents, and thousands of people running around. A carnival.

Peter, bouncing in his seat between Tony and Natasha, asked, “Are we there yet Mr. Stark?” The limo was starting to slow down and pull into a packed parking lot just off the side of the park. Gravel crunched under the wheels of the car, and he could hear the screams of people on rides even through the bulletproof glass. Colorful banners hung down along either side of the driveway, advertising different acts. All designed to look like vintage drawings.

“Ya kid, we’re here.” Tony chuckled, and he kept glancing over to Clint. Like he was waiting for the archer to say something. Bucky frowned. Why on Earth were they being forced to spend a day here?

“Your big surprise is a day at a carnival?” Natasha drawled, eyebrow raised and repeating the same question Bucky was internally suffering with. She slouched back in her seat, dressed in jeans and a leather jacket with a scarlet tank top underneath. Long legs stretched out in front of her.

Tony hummed, “Wait for it.” Mysterious and smug as ever. Eyebrows furrowed, Natasha opened her mouth to speak, only for Clint to cut her off.

They were slowly passing beside a large banner, stretched over the entrance of the carnival, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Clint laughed, looking over at Tony with a wide grin, “Carson’s Circus. What the hell are they doing in Brooklyn?”

Everyone frowned in confusion, Steve and Bucky shared a glance. Only Natasha, Tony, and Bruce appeared to have any idea what was going on. To be fair, Bruce knew everything, and Natasha had a close yet-to-be-explained relationship with Clint.

Arms crossed, Tony plucked his sunglasses out of his coat and smirked, “Well considering I own it, they’re willing to set up wherever I tell them to.” The limo finally parked, and he opened the door, stepping out, “Come on ladies, we’ve got a show to catch.”

Everyone clambered out of the limo. Tony and Peter took the lead, weaving through the crowd. Steve stayed close to Bucky’s side, aware of how big crowds made him extremely uncomfortable. It wasn’t too much of a problem now, though, considering the crowd parted like the sea and Tony was Moses. Not every day so many of the Avengers were in the same place. Thor, Wanda, Vision, and Rhodey were the only ones not present.

Phones flew out and cameras started flashing instantly. It took them a lot longer than it should have to walk the few yards to the main big tent at the center of the carnival. Luckily, there were some body guards to help with crowd control. Ever since their big showdown with Thanos, the Avengers were more popular than ever. They stopped here and there to sign a few autographs and take some photos. Peter was the only one excluded from the mayhem, considering his identity was still a secret.

Even Bucky had a few fans that he tried to smile for. It was strained but he managed. Steve had a shit eating grin on his face when he saw that. Bucky felt distracted, though. Removed from it all. The bond was stronger today. It thrummed inside of him and he could have sworn he felt her. Felt her emotions. She was nervous. But it was impossible for it to be real. Shuri had told him there would be side effects to the deprogramming mixed with the aftermath of so many years of conditioning and torment as the Winter Soldier. Phantom pains of his lost soulmate being one of them. Hallucinations. Y/N was gone but his brain wanted her to still be there.

Steve gently touched his shoulder, squeezing, and asked, “Are you alright?” Bucky jerked and realized he was still standing just inside of the entrance to the tent. Staring at nothing. Behind them, he could hear people calling out their names and the gruff reprimands from the guards as they pushed them back to a respectful distance.

“Y-Ya, I’m fine.” Bucky forced a smile and nod. When Steve raised his eyebrows, Bucky signed, “It’s just… this is her circus.” Steve’s eyes widened and he frowned. He ran a hand through his short blonde hair and shook his head in disbelief. It really was quite a coincidence.

“I thought it was called Rosie’s Wonders?” The others had disappeared inside, finding seats, Bucky stepped further in, not wanting to have this conversation. The looming shadow of the tent was a relief to the blinding sunshine outside. But Steve didn’t seem to be willing to drop it.

“They renamed it. I hunted this place down after I started to get my memories back. It was stupid—” Bucky cut himself off and scrubbed at his face, looking away and trying to swallow the lump in his throat, “I thought I might find her here. But she wasn’t.”

“Buck, that was over 70 years ago. Why would you—” Steve’s comment was even and gentle, but it still made the brunet’s hackles raise. His fingers curled at his side and he shoved them into his hoodie pockets.

“I know!” Bucky winced when he realized he had shouted, and his voice dropped to a gruff whisper, “I know, but I can still feel her.” Steve’s eyes softened in sympathy. Bucky was squeezing his left arm where his soulmark used to be. Before he lost it under the ruthless carving of Dr. Zola’s scalpel.

“You guys coming?” Tony called, standing down at the end of the isle. His arms were propped back on the railing that separated the seats from the show. Keeping the audience back. They were the only ones in the entire tent, “This may be a private show just for us, but we can’t expect them to wait forever.” He added, sarcasm dripping off his tongue. Completely unaware of the pain blooming in Bucky’s chest.

Only Steve knew about the history of Bucky’s soulmate. He’d been there for part of it.

Bucky sighed, and tried to shove away the thrumming ache in his heart. Without a word, he forced one foot in front of the other, heading over to Tony. Steve hesitated for a second but followed him.

They sat two rows from the bottom. Elevated just enough to have a decent view. Clint, Natasha, Bruce and Peter sat a row behind them, slightly above. While Bucky was seated next to Steve’s right, Sam took the spot to the Captain’s left, followed by Tony and then Peter.

Clint leaned forward with a grin, “Can’t believe you did this Stark. It’s too much even for you.”

Tony scoffed, as if offended, “Please! I couldn’t just sit back and let them go out of business. This was your childhood home.” His sunglasses glinted mischievously in the soft glow of the laced fairy lights overhead.

“This is awfully nice of you.” Bruce mused, a teasing tilt on his lips, “I’m surprised.”

“None of you appreciate me. Ever.” Tony crossed his arms and turned forward. The show was going to start any minute.

Clint snorted a laugh, and continued, “Well, guess I should warn you that you purchased a haunted show.” He paused for dramatic effect, “Since I appreciate you and all. You deserve to know.”

Intrigued, Peter swiveled in his seat to fully face Clint, eyes wide, “Haunted?”

Arms crossed, Clint nodded and hummed, “Very.” Everyone turned to face him then. All with various states of curiosity highlighted across their features. Once he realized he had everyone’s attention, he grinned in glee, “You see, it’s an old carny’s tale. I heard about it back when I first joined up. Anyone who stays here long enough does.”

Fingers tangled tight in his lap, Bucky thought he was going to be sick. He knew where this was going, and he wished the show would start so he didn’t have to hear it all over again. He’d lived this story already. Still, he turned to watch their friend as well. Unable to help himself.

Unaware, Clint waved a hand in front of him as if painting the picture as he spoke, “When this circus was first put together. It was owned by a guy named Michael and his wife Rosemary. They say this place was cursed from the start. First, Rosemary died giving birth to their son. That’s why they called this place Rosie’s Circus back in the day.” Clint leaned on his knees, holding up his fingers with solemn eyes, “That left just him, and his children. A daughter and son. They were raised into the family business.”

Bucky kept his expression carefully checked, and flexed his fingers to keep from clenching them, It took everything he had to keep from shaking. Clint’s voice was a slow, mysterious dance. Capturing perfectly accurate pictures of what happened back then, “The son was an animal tamer. Worked with the big cats and elephants. But the daughter was always up in the air. Her best act was the trapeze.” He paused.

Nervous, Peter frowned, “Well, what happened?”

“She was the best in her day. Legendary even. People said she really flew when she performed. Like a swan and no one could compete with her when she was in the air.” His eyes drifted up to the shadowy tops of the tent, like the performer might appear just because he spoke of her.

Clint stayed silent just a second longer, milking the suspense. Natasha rolled her eyes. Then he glanced back down to his audience and continued, “It happened during a routine performance. Everyone was there. The tent packed to the point that some of the audience sat on hay in the floor. It was going well. It was a good night, but something went wrong.”

“Obviously.” Tony snorted, taking off his sunglasses and pocketing them “Or it wouldn’t be a ghost story.” Peter shushed him, and Clint tilted his head in thanks to their youngest member.

Clearing his throat, he finished, “In front of a packed tent, her partner dropped her. From all the way up there.” He pointed to the top of the tent. Peter shuddered, and Bruce grimaced.

Eyebrows raised, Sam whistled low, “There was a net right?”

Clint shook his head, “Not that night. No one knows why. Some say it was a set up. Foul play, or that her father wanted to up the crowd’s mood. That he had the net removed add suspense. Whatever the reason, she didn’t walk away.” He took a breath, “It’s been said that her partner did it on purpose. Jealous of her or that her dad did it for money. Either way, her father went crazy. Nearly bankrupt the circus hiring mediums and psychics. Convinced that she was still around. Everyone thought he lost it, until others started to see her too.”

Uncomfortable, Peter shook his head and fidgeted nervously in his seat, “Like a ghost?”

“Yep. They say you can see her watching the shows. Up in the trapeze late at night. Always practicing for an act that would never happen. People believe she’s still around. Even to this day. Traveling with the circus. Forever.” Clint’s eyebrows drew low and his mouth set in a tight line.

Peter wasn’t blinking. Not even breathing. A cold chill swept through their entire group. The fingers of something inhuman trailed down their spines. Even Natasha appeared a bit disturbed.

The silence was thick enough to clog his lungs. Bucky swallowed the bile in his throat. Then the lights faded out and a loud drum roll filled the air. Peter shrieked in fear and everyone burst out laughing. It shattered the tension in the air, and everyone groused at Clint for scaring the kid.

Soft music danced through the tent, and the show started. Bucky turned back into his seat, watching as a spotlight focused on the entrance to the ring. Smoke billowed out as a figure approached.

It reminded him of a show he witnessed several decades ago. One he’d liked a whole lot better.

**Summer of 1938  
Bucky**

It was hot and sticky inside the tent. Every breath he took felt like he was tasting someone else’s air. But he couldn’t care less. This show was worth every knock of a wild elbow in his ribs, and Steve slapping his arm silly in excitement. Rosie’s Circus was only a few decades old, but it was popular. A rising star with some of the best exotic animals and performers.

“I can’t believe they got that lion through that hoop of fire!” Steve exclaimed, knocking Bucky’s arm again. He was sure to have a bruise. Even if his best pal was thin as a willow, he had some muscle attached to his bones. Bucky rubbed Steve’s back as he fell into a rattling coughing fit. Smoke hung in the air around them, trapped in the confined space of the thick canvased tent.

“We need to get back?” Bucky asked, not wanting to go, but not wanting to see Steve fall ill again. It had taken a while to scrape up enough money to see the circus. A treat for Steve’s birthday.

Annoyed, Steve waved him off, pushing his hand away, “No! No, I’m good.” He cleared his throat and sat up straighter, taking deep breaths despite the heavy air. His cheeks were ruddy pink, but his eyes danced with life that rarely showed since his mother died.

Still, Bucky narrowed his eyes, trying to decide whether he should drag Steve out by his suspenders or not. Before he could, the crowd hushed, and his attention were drawn to the stage.

A lone figure stood up high near the top of the tent. She was radiant in a sparkling red and white one-piece suit. It accented her long legs and toned arms. Matching feathered wings were attached to her back and moved with her as she posed at the edge of the platform. A simple black mask hid half her face. The spotlight focused on her and she held onto the end of the trapeze. Then she stepped off. Without a hint of hesitation, she freefell in a diving swoop that had Bucky’s heart in his throat.

On the peak of the arch, she released the first bar, flipped and caught a second. The crowd went wild. It was like she didn’t know fear. As the second one balanced out, it lowered a few feet with her hanging on. Steadied, she lifted herself up to sit onto it like a swing. Then she dropped one leg down, and fell back, holding on by just her knee. Spinning. Back beautifully bowed and leg outstretched as she held onto her ankle for a few seconds. Bucky’s jaw dropped when she dropped back, arms outstretched like a diving angel, and only held on with the heel of her foot.

Breathtaking. She was breathtaking. Music played behind her, a soft sweet melody that grew to a thunder depending on how terrifying her positions were. So high off the ground. Upside down, twirling like a dancer. He thought she might just lift off and fly any second. Back up on the trapeze, she stood and balanced on one foot, twisting the silk ropes around her ankle so she could lean forward in a standing split.

Still spinning but never getting dizzy.   
Never faltering.   
Sometimes tumbling just to draw a gasp out of the audience, but always flying.

Bucky couldn’t take his eyes off her. Not once during her entire act. It felt like he couldn’t even breathe. It was over in a heartbeat, but more than 10 minutes had truly passed.

The moment she stood straight of the trapeze and bowed as it lowered to the ground, he stood. With the rest of the thundering crowd, he gave her a standing applause. Despite Steve talking to him, he didn’t hear a word. Didn’t see anyone else in the tent. Just her.

He had to talk to her. To compliment her. Bucky couldn’t imagine not at least getting her name. The Ringmaster called her their Nightingale. Cute but not something he cared to call her in his dreams.

Surely, he would dream about her.

Steve was patiently waiting for him near the west entrance while Bucky headed for the back of the main tent. Where all the performers were cleaning up. He managed to weave his way into the tent, trying to be casual. Act like he wasn’t sneaking anywhere. A few other audience members were talking to some of the carnies outside of the tent, but he didn’t see Nightingale among any of them.

The back of the tent was a mess. Filled with props, vanity mirrors, racks of costumes, and people running all over the place. It smelled like dirt, sweat and musky animals. No one stopped to pay him any mind. Too busy guiding animals outside to their pens and undressing from their ridiculous costumes. Bucky held a single rose in his fingers, the petals soft and bloomed. He couldn’t help but look around in awe as he searched for her.

The circus was amazing, but the preparation for a show was awesome to witness. Suddenly, he felt someone catch his shoulder and force him to an abrupt stop. Stepping back, he looked up and up to see the Strong Man. They called him Joe. He was an enormous size and made Bucky feel pretty damn small. He never considered himself small. Being a wrestler and able to brawl with the best of them, he wasn’t little. But right now, he felt tiny.

“Can I help you?” The man asked, voice thick with an accent Bucky didn’t recognize. Beside him, stood the bearded lady. She had her arms crossed and green eyes sharp. Out of her costume, she was kinda pretty. Without all the extreme makeup.

Unperturbed, Bucky gave his best smile, charming and bright, “I’m just looking for Miss. Nightingale.” He held up the rose as part of the explanation. The woman’s eyes softened but Joe just sniffed, obviously unimpressed.

“She don’t take visitors boy.” Joe groused, arms bulging when he crossed them over his bare chest. His head of was shaved bald and a tattoo of a mermaid seemed to dance on his bicep when he flexed.

Before he could protest, the woman plucked the rose from his hand and quickly said over her shoulder, “I’ll make sure she gets this.” She twirled the rose back at him like a wand and disappeared further into the tent. Around a corner of crates.

“I’m not trying to be a bother. I would just like to tell her how amazing I thought her show was. Myself.” Bucky tried, his smile growing strained. He could feel people looking at him now. Like he was a pest. He tucked his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels. The smell of hay was getting suffocating, and he stood straighter beneath Joe’s flat stare.

Lazily, Joe shrugged his big shoulders, “Just the rules. She’s a private girl. Doesn’t like to be interrupted after her shows. She gets tired.” His words were very monotone and no-nonsense. His big mustache twitched, and he jutted his chin back the way Bucky came, “You should really get outta here now.”

Bucky opened his mouth to protest again, but then from Joe’s side, past his dancing mermaid, he saw her. She came around the corner with the bearded lady, no longer wearing the mask. Her hair was down and wild around her shoulders. Eyebrows drawn in confusion, she was stroking the petals of the rose. The bearded lady looked concerned and pointed down towards him. Then she waved her hands to try and usher Miss. Nightingale back the way she came.

Nightingale glanced up, and their eyes met for a long second. She was still in her sparkling outfit. It refracted red across her cheekbones, and he thought his heart stopped. A sweet, shy smile curled on her mouth. She lifted her hand as if to wave, but then she froze. Her eyes widened, and she tensed.

Then it was like she glitched. Her body phased out like she was shredded by a nonexistent wind. Bucky blinked, and rubbed at his eyes, thinking he saw wrong because she stood just as solid as him. A look of agony crossed the girl’s face. Then it happened again, and she was gone in a wisp of smoke. The bearded lady looked like she was about to throw up. Her hand came up to cover her fuzzy mouth.

The rose laid on the ground right where the girl had stood two seconds prier.

“Wh-What just—” Bucky stammered, but then Joe shoved him roughly back.

“It’s time you get out of here.” He demanded, grabbing Bucky by the collar of his jacket, practically lifting him off the ground. Bucky’s feet scrapped against the muddy earth when he tried to find his balance.

“She just! Just disappeared!” Bucky explained, and the man hummed, as if he were crazy. His arms flailed, “Let me go!” His face flushed red, getting angry about being man-handled. He smacked at Joe’s meaty hands, but the man didn’t seem to notice. Like he was a protesting mosquito, not a fully-grown man.

Back at the entrance of the tent, Joe shoved him and sent him stumbling across the ground. Two steps from falling, he caught himself, and spun back around. Before Bucky could shout louder, Joe jabbed a finger at him, “Get lost! This ain’t none of your business!”

Irritated, Bucky yanked his jacket back into place and glared but turned to leave. He didn’t really want to get into a fight with a bunch of carnies. That wouldn’t end well. Hands shoved in his pockets, he went to find Steve. Feet sinking into the muddy grass.

Thoughts swirled around his head like an angry cloud of hornets.   
But one image kept coming back to him.   
The look of pain on her face before she disappeared had shot straight into his heart. He could still feel the bullet ricocheting in his ribs.

Whatever just happened, he hoped she was ok.


	2. Soulmates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapters a little shorter than I'm used to writing. So I figured I'd post the first 2 together.   
Let me know what you think! This story is a little weirder than anything I've written before.

**Summer of 1938  
Y/N**

Everyone kept complaining that this summer was reaching record highs in heat. The heatwave was strong this week and the sun burned overhead without any hint of rain to give some relief. At night, the humidity made sweat bead across everyone’s foreheads and clothes felt sticky. Even so, Y/N was cold. Cold down to her bone marrow. It always got worse when she just woke back up. Luckily, she had only been gone for about 24 hours. Missed one show. Mike was annoyed, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it.

Dressed in soft black shorts and a loose tucked in white shirt, she had the trapeze low to the ground. It was quiet in the big tent. Only a dim overhead light illuminated the center of the ring. The trapeze reached just over her head and she held onto it with one hand, slowly spinning in a circle. She hummed a soft tune to herself as she built up her spin until it lifted her off the ground. Swinging herself, she caught her legs over the rod, and hung upside down, just playing.

Up on the rod, she lounged and swung her legs. Crickets chirped like a backdrop to her song, and a soft breeze made the canvas of the tent flutter. Slowly, she felt the chill on her skin start to abate, becoming bearable.

When she opened her eyes, her stomach twisted in surprise. The boy from the other day stood just inside the ring, like he was hesitant to come any closer. He was just as handsome as she remembered, even a little more up close. The trapeze slowed till she just sat in the air, unable to think of what she wanted to say. Her grip tightened on the ribbons holding her up.

“I missed you at the show today.” He finally spoke up, taking another step closer. His voice was loud in her silence. He wore a threadbare rusty red shirt, rolled up to his elbows, and tucked into his pants. Broad shoulders, tall, and hair perfectly styled back. Very handsome. The dimple in his chin gave him a boyish charm, along with the easygoing tilt of his lips.

“I wasn’t feeling well.” Y/N offered, unable to stop herself from replying. She slid off the trapeze, catching one hand on the silk ropes and swinging herself lightly down onto the balls of her bare feet. He watched with wide blue eyes and she found herself blushing at the awe in his stare.

After a second, he shook himself out of it and took another step closer, only a few feet away now, “Look’s like you’re feeling better.” He had a Brooklyn accent that made her melt a little inside, “I’m James by the way, but all my friends call me Bucky.”

She raised her eyebrows, “And you let them?” She made sure to smile, letting him know she was teasing. Honestly, it was kind of cute.

Bucky ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck, “It’s short for my middle name, Buchanan. Never liked being called James.” He spoke with his hands, gesturing and then stopped himself, stuffing them into his pockets instead, “And your name?” There was a hopeful, sheepish undercurrent to his question.

Hesitant, Y/N kept a nervous hold on the edge of the trapeze above her head, leaning to the side and letting it support her. She couldn’t remember the last time she had ever told anyone her name. It had been a long time since she even spoke to someone not part of their troupe. Someone who didn’t know the truth. She swallowed around the lump forming in her throat. Mike would be so angry if he knew. This was dangerous, but the thrill made her feel warm for once, “Y/N Y/L/N, everyone just calls me Y/N.”

A slow smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and he tested her name quietly on his tongue. Then his smile grew brighter and she thought the sound of him saying her name might set her alight inside. He was steadily coming closer. So close that Y/N let go of her trapeze and stepped back. When she could see the green flecks in his baby blues, he spoke up again, “It’s nice to meet you.” He held out his hand, and she stared at it, unsure of what to do. She couldn’t shake it. Her touch would hurt him. Burn him. Like it did everyone else.

Biting her bottom lip, she turned to the side, pretending to look over at the ladder that led to the tightrope, “Thanks for the rose. It’s really pretty.” Y/N changed the subject and saw him frown out of the corner of her eye. He dropped his hand, looking hurt and she crossed her arms, squeezing her icy hands, “I don’t get many gifts like that.”

“You should.” Bucky stated quickly, and she looked over at him, surprised. He flushed, scarlet crawling up his neck, “You’re talented. I’ve never seen anything like it.” He fidgeted with the folded sleeves of his shirt, adjusting them and only peeking up at her every few seconds.

Warm. He made her feel so warm inside. Stomach twisted in knots, she shrugged awkwardly, “Thank you. It’s not so hard. I’ve been doing it forever.” That was an understatement. Without realizing it, Bucky had gotten close. Not so much in her personal space, but close enough that she felt herself panic. Close enough to touch.

If he touched her, he would know. Know that she wasn’t normal, and she really didn’t want that.

Bucky smiled sweetly, and she froze, unable to make herself get away when his expression was soft like that. He looked down at her with crystal blues that had her soul thawing. Coupled with the rough lull of his voice, and she was a goner, “Don’t sell yourself short.”

Y/N blinked, her tongue felt dumb and clumsy. Head fuzzy. His eyes searched hers and the moment charged hot between them. From the corner of her eye, she spotted his hand reaching up to touch her. Maybe her arm, or her cheek. She didn’t know, but it was enough to snap her out of it. Stumbling back, she played it off with a terribly shaky laugh, “I should really be practicing.”

Curious, Bucky frowned and cocked his head to the side before chuckling, “Don’t you sleep? It’s the middle of the night.” That might be true, but she didn’t sleep. Not really. Not anymore.

She turned her back to him and headed over to the ladder, starting to climb up to the tightrope, “Later, I didn’t get to perform today, so I’ve gotta work myself into sleeping.” She turned her head and saw him watching her from the bottom of the ladder. The tightrope wasn’t her favorite thing in the world, but it was a good distance away from him. Which was enough, “Don’t you got a girl to get home to?” She called down.

Honestly, she didn’t know how she wanted him to answer that question. It had just slipped out and now she found herself holding her breath while she waited for him to speak up.

“Nope! Just a scrappy blonde.” He replied, and she raised her eyebrows, looking down again. Pausing over halfway up to the top. At her questioning look, he snickered and finished, “My friend Steve but he’s sick of me most of the time anyway. Won’t miss me being late.”

Outside, she could hear some of the animals snuffling as they thought about sleeping. There were some loud barks of laughter as the guys stumbled back from the bar. Most were asleep, resting after the stressful day. Stifling heat made everyone exhausted and irritable. Reaching the top platform, she stretched and glanced down, “If the guys catch you here, I don’t know if I’ll be able to protect you.” She paused, realizing he wasn’t on the ground anymore. Down the ladder, she noticed him climbing up.

Bucky laughed, “I can handle myself.” He wobbled halfway up on one of the loose rungs, but only hesitated for a second before continuing.

Oh, Christ she couldn’t shake him, “Please don’t fall.” Y/N held up her hands, suddenly very worried, “There isn’t a net and you can seriously hurt yourself up this high.”

At the top, Bucky peered up at her and hefted himself onto the wooden platform. There was even less space up here and now he was undoubtedly in her personal space. Turning in place, he whistled, and glanced down, “It looks even higher from up here.” There was a nervous tremor in his words.

Y/N glimpsed down too, and hummed in agreement, “That’s why only the most experienced get up here.” She raised her eyebrows at him pointedly. Wind whistled through the small gap at the top of the tent and ruffled his dark hair.

“I was just curious.” Bucky explained, smiling cheekily, “When am I ever gonna get the chance to be up this high again? In a circus tent?” He gestured around them, and she rolled her eyes. Silence stretched out between them as he took in the ring from this high. Finally, he looked at her again and blew out a breath, “Listen, I know you’re not going to be in town for long, but I was hoping you might let me take you out dancing before you go.”

It felt like her heart flatlined and then started up again. She wanted to say yes. Very badly. Wanted to get out of this circus just for one night and dance with this sweet, handsome boy, but, “I can’t.” Y/N replied. Seeing the disappointed look darken his features, she added, “I really want to, but I can’t.” Y/N leaned against the railing on the side of the platform, feeling the splinters in the old wood.

His eyes narrowed in confusion and he pursed his lips, “Why not?” He held his hands up, palms out and she took a step back, feeling the air of his motion.

“It’s complicated.” She hedged; the bare pads of her feet scraped against the rough wood. Heart in her throat, she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Bucky’s eyes flickered over her and he took a small breath, “Complicated how? Got a boyfriend?” He moved closer as she backed up, but she was running out of space.

Shaking her head, Y/N bit her bottom lip, “No but I’m not—” She groaned in frustration, “It’s just not a good idea. I really am sorry.” Her heel hung over the edge, and Bucky’s eyes widened.

“Careful now wouldn’t want you to fall—” Bucky reached out for her to grasp her arm and pull her from the edge. She panicked.

“Don’t!” Y/N yanked her arm back from his grasp only to completely topple over the edge of the platform.

Everything slowed. Bucky dropped to his knees and snapped out his arm. He managed to catch her around the wrist. Her eyes met his as a bright, glowing white light rippled through her entire body. It was such a strange sensation to feel the warmth of his hand against her skin. Bucky’s eyes widened in awe and then his hand phased through her.

His hand closed into an empty fist and she fell. Head first down towards the ground. A scream left her before darkness enveloped her for three long seconds. When she opened her eyes again, she was curled up on the ground in a ball.

Bucky crouched beside her, shaking her shoulder. He was touching her. Without pain, “Y/N! Are you ok?” He asked, panic filling his words, “Do I need to get help?” His gaze flickered around the room; muscles tight as he tried to figure out what to do.

Shaken, she sat up and shook her head, “N-No I’m ok.” Y/N blinked and frowned, “Are you ok?” She tucked her feet underneath her and her attention fell to his hand still rubbing her shoulder. He wasn’t getting burned. It felt like she was having sensory overload.

Bucky scoffed, falling back to sit on his butt, “Am I—” He shook his head, expression wild with disbelief, “Am I alright? You just fell from up there—” He jabbed a finger up to the platform, “Disappeared! Then reappeared down here!” He ran a hand through his hair, eyes wide, and messy strands stuck up across his head, “And before—” He ogled her, mouth open and closing a couple times, “You really disappeared before too!”

Unable to do anything else, she nodded. Her right wrist and hand were tingling. All her emotions felt muddled and jumbled up into a messy knot. Bucky’s eyes dropped to her hand and he froze, expression softening into something awe struck.

Shoulders tense, he swallowed, and she could hear the audible click. Then he looked down at his own left hand. Her eyes followed his and she gasped.

It felt like the ground was about to open beneath her. That her world was spinning out of control. She was going to be sick. Panic clawed at her throat, but she couldn’t move. Couldn’t even make a noise. On his hand, stretching up his inner wrist and across to the side of his palm near his pinky, were delicate black swirls. Intricate designs that bloomed out to half a flower on the back of his hand. Raising her own hand, she had something similar. Not matching exactly.

Slowly, he shifted until he could kneel on her right side. Bucky didn’t touch her. Just lifted his hand out in front of them. The overhead light made his skin golden and warm. The design stood out stark on his hand, but it wasn’t harsh, and it wasn’t flat black. More of a black found on a raven’s wing.

Unable to help herself, she brought her own hand up, next to his. Together, the backs of their hands created a beautiful bloomed flower. Conflicting emotions wreaked havoc inside her and overflowed in the only way they could. Tears brimmed in her eyes and spilled over. Cold like ice as they trailed down her cheeks. Dropping her hand, she covered her mouth to stifle her sobs.

Bucky tensed, and turned to her, confused. He tentatively brought his hand up and touched her back. Heat from his palm sent warm ripples through her soul. It felt good and that just made her cry harder.

“Woah hey now, what’s going on?” Bucky asked. There was concern in his voice, but she could hear the giddy joy underneath it.

They were soulmates. It shouldn’t be playing out like this.

Y/N leaned against him, letting him hold her as her entire body trembled. Rapidly, she shook her head, unable to figure out how to say it, “Sweetheart.” Bucky cupped her cheek in his hand, lifting her head to look at him. He grimaced, but didn’t drop his touch, “You’re so cold.” The comment was lost as awe filled his features.

A soft glow poured out from beneath his palm. It shone in the corner of her vision.

Bucky’s eyes widened, and he stroked away her icy tears, “I don’t remember this ever happening to anyone before.” He stroked a hand down her arm and squeezed her hand. White light followed everywhere he touched her skin.

She sniffled, “I-It’s not normal.” Y/N tried to scrub away her tears, swallowing them down, “B-Because—” She cut herself off and tried to contain the sob building up inside of her.

Bucky shook his head, “That’s ok! Normal’s overrated. What’s going on?” He brushed her hair back from her face, “Please don’t cry.” His teeth grazed his bottom lip, and the concern in his eyes only made her feel more guilty.

“Bucky…” Her voice broke over his name and she took a calming breath, “This can’t work. Ever because…” Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed, and she twisted her hands in the fabric of her shirt. After a tense second, she blurted out, “I’m dead. I’ve been dead for years now.”

His hand fell from her face, but he took her right hand in his left. A constant spot of contact that made her feel better.

He opened his mouth, only to close it and swallow. Then he managed, “Dead?”

Y/N nodded, sniffing, “I died back in 1916.” Her face had to have been a mess. Sticky with tears and she had never been a pretty crier. Even when she was alive.

“You’re a…” Bucky’s words were soft, hesitant, like he didn’t want to admit it out loud.

“A ghost.” She clarified and felt her panic eat at her insides. She couldn’t deal with this. Not right now. Not with him touching her. Trying to comfort her. She didn’t want to see his reaction to her declaration.

So, she did the only thing she could do. Run.  
It only took half a thought.

Between one blink and the next, she was gone. For the second time since he’d laid eyes on her, she disappeared without a trace or a sound. Not even a whisper of wind.


	3. Unnatural Attraction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had a happy Halloween! I've got a bit of a candy hangover, but here's a new chapter!  
Please let me know if you like this story so far. Comments are life giving lol  
Enjoy~

**Summer of 1938**

**Bucky**

Scarlet bloomed like poppies on his knuckles as he unwrapped the bandages from his fists. Every breath was rushed. His ribs ache when he forced them to expand and take in more air. Sand ground between his bones with every flex of his fingers and pain sparked up his wrists. Bucky could feel the bruise coming to life on his jaw and he opened his mouth, stretching it, to make sure nothing was broken. Adrenaline kept most of the pain away, though.

He was lucky he hadn't lost any teeth. Some had nearly shaken loose on that last blow. Remnants of blood coated his mouth when he prodded at his teeth with his tongue.

The crowd was still screaming and stomping their approval at his latest victory. It had taken most of the allotted time, but he'd finally knocked the guy out. The match had been even. Able to sway either way. But his and Steve's rent depended on him winning this one. So there hadn't really been any other option.

The ringing in his ears finally faded away, and he took his last swig of water. He swished it around in his mouth and spit it into the sink. Blood swirled down the drain. Pink against the white porcelain.

With a sigh, Bucky turned towards the entrance of the locker room. He took the damp towel from around his neck and ruffled it through his hair. Then tossed it down to the floor. Steam curled around his feet from the showers just around the corner, in the deeper recesses of the room. The air was thick with aftershave and sweat. He threw his soiled bandages in the trash, along with his empty cup of water.

Finally cooled down, he crossed the room and then down the hall to where he knew his manager would be. In the main office where most business was conducted. He caught the middle-aged man just as he was exiting, a couple envelopes of cash already divvied up in his hands. The bare-bulb lights overhead were dull and flickered when the speakers crackled, announcing the time left before the next match.

Luckily, Bucky was done for the day. Only one match. Rather than a double like next week.

Forcing a wry smirk to hide his exhaustion, he approached his manager. The moment the man spotted him, he clapped him on the back, and tugged him into a sidearm hug. Immediately he started walking them back down the hall, towards the exit as he prattled on, "Well done! You had me spooked for a minute there. But I knew you'd pull through." He handed over a fat white envelope and Bucky took it with a genuine smile. Flipping through the bills out of habit, counting it up.

Sweat and grime coated his skin and he wanted nothing more than to take a shower and try to catch the tail end of his girl’s show. He hoped that Buddy wouldn’t try to wrangle him into staying longer. Ducking out from under the man’s grip, he stepped back towards the locker room, “Thanks! You should know by now that I won’t let you down.”

“I know! I know! Can’t blame me for worrying about my lucky charm.” Buddy’s sharp brown eyes landed on his left hand, taking in the soulmark, and his devious smile grew, "When you gonna bring that gal of yours around to see you work? She too squeamish for boxing?"

Bucky’s heart gave an unpleasant squeeze, but he forced a laugh, "Ya, she’s not a big fan. Too violent for her." He wished he truly knew how she’d feel about it. But he hadn't seen her for a week. Not since she’d dropped a bomb into his life by disappearing right in front of him.

Taking another step back, Bucky propped himself against the side of the doorway. The wood was cool against his flushed skin. Buddy shrugged dismissively, “Must be a classy young lady then! She pretty?”

“Beautiful.” Bucky replied without even thinking about it. Despite not having spoken with her in a week, the image of her was burned into his mind. He shot his manager another smile and took another step into the locker room, “Anyway, I need to get cleaned up so I can go see her.” Hopefully see her anyway.

Buddy waved a goodbye and disappeared around the bend. Now he’d be going and collecting the money from the bets he’d made on the fight.

Tucking the envelope into his bag, he took out some clean clothes, then secured everything back up in his locker. In boxing standards, he’d finished his match early in the night. So, the locker room was mostly vacant now. The muggy air was a relief against his flushed skin when he managed to peel off his clothes.

Cool water rained down onto his head and he tilted his face up to meet it. There wasn’t much time for him to linger. Not if he wanted to get across town and catch the end of her performance. He scrubbed at the grime on his skin, the water quickly warming up as he tried to get the blood off his knuckles.

In the last week, Bucky went to the circus as often as he could. Four times now. But she hadn't appeared for him at any of them. He’d seen her perform two out of the four visits but none of the other troupe members would let him backstage. No matter his protests. And he couldn’t afford to keep paying the fee to get into the big top. Not with rent coming up.

Steve thought he was crazy. After he told him everything, he’d nearly had an asthma attack from laughing too hard. But once he figured out Bucky was serious, he’d listened closer. Threatened to punch him if he was pulling a joke on him, but Bucky had promised on his mother’s grave and there was no greater swear than that.

Within 10 short minutes, he buttoned up a mostly clean shirt, and laced up his boots. His hair was still dripping when he gathered up his things from the locker. Without another word to anyone, he stepped out into the cool night air. He had places to be and a plan in mind.

He waited till the entire show was over. Only caught a glimpse of Y/N’s performance before he slipped back to the outskirts of the circus grounds and tried to remain unseen. Silently, he watched as the circus became less and less crowded underneath the security of an old oak. The full moon drifted across the sky and the hour grew late enough that most of the citizens of Manhattan headed home for the night.

Once the grounds grew still and the carnies finished cleaning up for the night, he began looking. She had to have a tent. It was possible she stayed in the big topper with the trapeze, but he doubted that. Perhaps she just haunted the entire circus and only appeared for the show. But he doubted that too.

All Bucky knew was that, when he focused, he could feel her. It had gotten stronger over the past week. Their bond. Like a string around his heart. When they were close, it was like a candle inside of him, and made his soulmark grow warm. Further apart, the string grew taunt, but he could still feel the general direction of where the other end of the line was.

And he had a feeling he could use it to find her.

Most of the light came from the moon, but standalone oil lamps sporadically decorated the worn path near tents. No one paid him any attention, too busy unwinding after all their work. Drinking on crates and old chairs outside their tents. Some were talking about a bonfire, and he could hear music off in the distance on the outskirts of the tents. He paused every so often once he reached the tents where most people seemed to be sleeping.

Bucky tried to not make it obvious that he was snooping. Just peeked between the flaps when he felt the bond growing closer and moved on when he didn’t see her.

Over the last week, he had come to terms with what she had told him. The only disturbing part about it was how easy it had been to accept.

Truth be told, he had been raised in a religious household, but as he had gotten older, he drifted from his faith. He’d never been a devout kind of man. Didn’t give God much thought anymore and had only gone to church because his mother told him to. As he got older, he didn’t have time for it. Too busy trying to make ends meet and stay afloat.

Some might say that pursuing a relationship with the dead was blasphemous and he’d burn for it. But if there was a God, soulmates had to be part of his grand design. Soulmarks were seen by some as a sign that a god existed. Everyone had a soulmate, but meeting your soulmate was rare. It should be cherished.

If all that were true, then why shouldn't they see what happened?  
Maybe the universe brought them together for a reason.

Yes, Y/N was a ghost, but he just couldn't imagine not getting to know her.  
If she’d just give him a damn chance.

The string around his heart finally lead him to a tent on the outskirts of the grounds. It was small and sun bleached. He listened for anyone inside and then peeked through a gap in the opening flap. A lamp was lit inside but he couldn’t see anyone.

"This could be considered stalking." Her voice made him nearly jump out of his skin. He whirled around and found her standing a foot away. She wore a plain shirt tucked into a pair of shorts, like what she’d worn the last time he saw her. Her hair was down and free around her face. And her feet were bare. Everything about her spoke volumes about how she valued comfort over style. But she was beautiful, and his heart swelled at the sight of her. At the sight of the matching mark on her hand.

That mark meant he was hers and she was his. That they now had the choice to be mates if they chose to accept the soulmarks. Soulmates could formally reject the mating bond if they wanted. If they thought that the match was wrong, but it didn’t happen often. It hurt both parties if the marks were rejected. But if they spent a long enough time apart without solidifying the bond, the soulmarks would fade into a dull grey and the bond connecting them would wither away.

"I know a-and I'm sorry 'bout that." Bucky forced out, wincing when his words stumbled. He carded his fingers through his messy hair, air dried and not styled like he normally kept it.

Wind tussled their clothes, causing strands to fly across her cheeks. It was hard to reconcile what she had told him with what he was seeing. She looked like a normal girl. Solid. He could even see her chest rise and fall with her breath. Did ghosts breathe?

Every inch of Y/N screamed discomfort. She crossed her arms, shifting from foot to foot. But then she seemed to notice his appearance and concern flickered across her features, "What happened?" She took a step forward but then seemed to catch herself and stopped.

Bucky shrugged and waved a dismissive hand, "Just work. You should see the other guy." He offered another smile and barely noticed the twinge of pain from the bruise blooming on his jaw.

Eyebrows raised, some of her tension melted from her shoulders and curiosity took its place, "Work?"

“I'm a boxer. About to win my 4th championship." He smiled more with pride and it hurt his jaw, but he couldn’t help it. She looked impressed and it made him glow with warmth.

As silence stretched his smile dimmed at the pinching of her brows and the way she bit her lip, "You shouldn't be here." Y/N muttered, glancing towards the cluster of tents further off. Like she was waiting for someone to notice them together and say something.

"And why not?" Bucky took a challenging step closer, "I want to see you. I want to know you." He was relieved when she didn’t back away. In fact, it seemed like she was leaning closer, even as she winced at his words.

Instantly, she shook her head and argued, "You can’t." Her hands tucked into her back pockets, like she was restraining herself and her shoulders hunched, making her appear smaller.

"I could if you'd just let me." He gave a wry, teasing grin, but it fell flat at the pain on her features, "Unless... you don’t want to know me."

"Of course, I do!" Y/N exclaimed, then caught herself and pressed her lips tight. Like she was trying to hold back and keep from speaking at all.

“Then why have you been avoiding me?” Bucky asked. He wanted to reach for her, but he was afraid she might disappear again. If he pushed her too far.

"What's the point when it’ll just hurt us both?” She grew more agitated as she continued and her voice rose, “This can’t work! My life ended years ago! You should have a chance to live yours!” Y/N gestured to him with a frantic wave of her hand.

“This is my choice too! It’s my life! I’m not stupid. I know this is crazy and weird, but I want to know you. I want to know why we’re supposed to be mates!” Bucky didn’t know when he’d started shouting back at her. His heartbeat started charging erratically in his chest and he was breathing hard when the ending of his sentence echoed between them.

In the silence, Y/N blinked up at him and he watched her take a shaky breath before she shook her head again, “It would be better if we broke the bond. A relationship between us would be wrong. Against the laws of nature or god or whatever." Shame made her face flush and she stared down at her feet, toes curling in the dirt.

In the bright light of the moon, she looked exactly how he expected a specter to. Her skin had a silver sheen to it, and her eyes were unearthly bright. His heart skipped into his throat when she flickered in front of him. Fading out before becoming solid again, her arm crossed over her chest.

The thought of her rejecting their bond and breaking it made his insides shiver in fear. It brought panic up from the deepest recesses of his soul and made a home for it in the back of his throat.

He didn’t think about it. Bucky closed the distance between them until he was right in front of her. Then he tentatively reached for her. Let his hand cup over her own where she clenched her fist at her side. He unfurled her fingers gently and the touch of their skin had her palm glowing. Their hands intertwined and the glowing faded. The tattoos matched perfectly.

Bucky leaned closer to her, making her meet his eyes. There was a defiant tone in his voice, “Wrong? If this was so wrong, then our marks wouldn’t have brought us together in the first place.” He brought up her hand and enveloped it between both of his and stared at her with a fire in his eyes, “I’ll never apologize for meeting you. For wanting to get to know you.” His voice softened, and a corner of his mouth lifted, “For thinking you’re beautiful.” He shook his head, “I don’t care. We’ll make this work.”

“You think?” Y/N asked just as quietly. There was a shy hesitation in her question that made him want to hug her. To reassure her that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“If we both want it, I know we can make this work.” Bucky promised, and he wrapped a strand of her hair around his finger, still holding her hand between them. They were chest to chest now, and if he stooped down just a little, they’d be nose to nose too.

Music grew louder from the bonfire off past her tent, further into the field. But they stood in silence. Everything else felt far away. She stared at their hands in barely contained wonder, "I don’t want you to get hurt."

"I won’t." He meant it. With everything he had. Bucky couldn’t imagine her hurting him. It was a promise he couldn’t really keep. It wasn’t within his control. But he promised it anyway.

Y/N met his eyes and he couldn’t help wanting to feel closer to her. Like she was a flame and he was a moth. He touched her cheek with his free hand, thumb stroking her jaw, “If you tell me to leave right now. I’ll go. I won’t come back. We can—” His teeth clenched together, and he had to force himself to say the rest, “We can let the bond break and I won’t bother you again. But don’t do it just because you’re worried it might be wrong.”

There was a long pause where she held his gaze and studied him. She studied his features and he barely dared to breathe. It felt like she was weighing his soul. Then she let out a long sigh and looked away, “I don’t want to break it. I don’t…” Her voice became thick and she cleared her throat, “I don’t want to be alone anymore.”

"I won’t leave you alone.” Bucky squeezed her hand, “Ever.”

Honestly, Bucky wasn’t sure his heart was even beating. He searched her expression for any hint at what she was about to say, and he took in a sharp breath when she nodded, “Ok.” She sounded hesitant, and like she might not really mean it, but he smiled anyway. Then he brought her hand up and place a soft kiss on her knuckles.

“Ok.” He repeated.

It might not be perfect, they still had a lot to figure out, but it was a start. And he’d take it as a win.

A cheer went up behind her tent and Y/N glanced back, smile fading. The bonfire was in full swing now. He could see the glow past the few trees and tents in the way. It sounded like quite the party was happening.

“It’s my brother’s birthday.” She explained. That one sentence was full of longing and it was written bluntly across her features.

“Why aren’t you over there?” Bucky asked, raising his eyebrows in question. Her nose wrinkled and she shook her head.

“I can’t dance with anyone. Can’t get drunk, and I don’t eat so.” Y/N shrugged, trailing off, “I’m not really a party person anymore.”

“You could dance with me.” The offer came without him really thinking about it and she tensed, surprise making her eyes grow big. At her silence, he tugged her towards the music, and she stumbled a step after him, “Come on! It’ll be fun!”

“But I haven’t—” Y/N stuttered, still trailing after him even as she tried to protest “Not in a while. If I touch people, it hurts them.” She confessed and Bucky paused, head listing to the side curiously. She rushed on, “Not you but… anyone else. I haven’t touched anyone since I became this.” She gestured to herself.

“Then you’ll just have to stay close to me.” Bucky gave a bright, charming smile, “Promise it’ll be fun.” He wanted to make her smile. Hear her laugh. She seemed too lonely and sad. He wanted to fix it with every fiber of his being.

Her lips pressed together in thought and then she gave a cute, nervous laugh “If something goes wrong, I’m blaming it all on you.” She stepped up to his side and knocked her shoulder against his arm, making him stumble in surprise.

“I’ll take full responsibility.” Bucky gave a mock bow, free hand over his heart. When her lips turned up into a shy grin, and a giggle escaped her, he thought the combination might be his newest favorite thing.


End file.
